I’ve been reading Vikram Seth’s Three Chinese Poets (1992) by HarperPerennial, which includes poems by Li Bai, Du Fu and Wang Wei. His translation of these Tang verse is superior to other versions I’ve read: there is more clarity in rendering the imagery, and more attention to the rhythm of lines.
However, as in the poem on Lady Xi, I still cannot connect with the abruptness between the lines:
by Wang Wei
No present royal favour could efface
the memory of the love that once she knew.
Seeing a flower filled her eyes with tears.
She did not speak a word to the King of Chu.
The last two lines might even make the reader think that the disjointed lines are part of what makes it a Chinese poem!
In another poem, ‘Birdsong Brook’
I do not understand why he translated the second line into ’empty the hill in Spring’. After all, it doesn’t really bear semblance to the syntax in the Chinese poem. Empty is the right image, yet ‘hollow’ might give it a better sound and emotional depth than the more straightforward observation (empty).
What I do like is his translation of what must be one of the most popular Chinese poems of all times, at least for the Chinese community:
In the Quiet Night
by Li Bai
The floor before my bed is bright:
Moonlight – like hoarfrost – in my room.
I lift my head and watch the moon.
I drop my head and think of home.
床前明月光， 疑是地上霜。 举头望山月， 低头思故乡。
Hoarfrost’ sounds contrived.
The ending couplet is effective in evoking the original rhythm. Yet ‘drop my head’ is hardly the poetic phrase for bending down his head and remembering home. Perhaps Bending down, I think of home.” But then one loses the symmetry of it that is inherent in the Chinese couplet.
Is something necessarily lost in translation? When you try to share your culture with a foreign audience, is it still the same thing?
The image of the moon in Chinese poetry is very worth thinking about. It is not only in itself a legend (of the jade rabbit and Chang Er), but because it resembles so many things, and for Chinese people in particular, it symbolises family reunion.
There’s a crudeness in Chinese poetry however that I don’t enjoy. That is the lean description of objects (especially flowers and landscapes) and the little attention given to depicting the emotions. Perhaps, they consider that metaphors and similes are far more interesting in language play?